I’ve heard this saying from multiple betrayed partners, “once a cheater, always a cheater” and I’ve never really liked that saying at all because it implies that people can’t change their behavior and I know that isn’t true. People change all the time!
I believe that anyone can make changes to their behavior if they become aware of “why” they are behaving in that manner. I believe the reasons why someone cheats on their spouse are that they have limiting beliefs, low self-awareness, a desire to reclaim what was lost, and quite possibly a soul contract.
Science has confirmed that our beliefs create feelings and feelings create actions. A person who has cheated on their spouse will often have a limiting belief that they aren’t important anymore to their spouse. They are convinced they aren’t important anymore because they’ve focused on all the things that their spouse isn’t doing any more. Once they have the limiting belief and someone outside of the marriage takes an interest and there is a mutual physical attraction, the environment for an affair is there even if a person has a moral compass that tells them that affairs are bad and they shouldn’t take that next step. I won’t go into the science of how the brain and chemicals creates the spark that lights the match that creates the affair that has the ability to burn a marriage to the ground. I’ll save that for another day.
The next reason why affairs happen is due to a low level of awareness. If the person having the affair has zero ability to look at their limiting beliefs, they may just point the finger at their spouse and say that it’s all their spouse’s fault for not giving them enough attention, not having enough sex, not showing them enough appreciation, etc. The ability to have a deep awareness of how limiting beliefs run mental programs and actions is paramount to living a conscious life and marriage. It’s not just beliefs that are important to become aware of, its thoughts, actions, and self-sabotaging behaviors <-affair. 90% of people think they are self-aware, but I’ve found that most people don’t have the level of awareness needed to maintain an exciting and fulfilling marriage, even if they have spent years in therapy or are therapists themselves. Self-awareness is about looking at yourself from the accountability loop and looking at all the ways you let go of your power and play the victim in your life.
Over the years of working with people who have cheated I’ve seen a pattern that the person doing the cheating has recently had a close relative or friend transition to the spirt world. The feeling that has been described by people having an affair is that they feel ALIVE again. It’s as if the feeling of death and loss is replaced with feeling alive again or that they are chasing the feeling of being alive. It could also be that they don’t feel that they are getting the support that they need or want from their spouse during a difficult time and will use that as an excuse to justify having an affair with someone who listens to them or can comfort them during their grief. A person who wants to stop having an affair has to look at their life through the lens of accountability and take a good hard look at all the areas in their life that they aren’t in alignment with who they want to be and start operating from their higher self. If they want to feel more alive, they have to start doing things that make them feel alive that won’t ruin their marriage. Drive a fast car, get up on stage and sing a song, dance with 2000 of your closest new friends at a concert, just do whatever brings the feeling of aliveness to your heart and soul.
Affairs can run in blood lines for years. I’m not an expert on soul contracts or curses, but I do believe that you’ll see patterns in blood lines of divorce, infidelity, addictions, money problems, etc. We watch our parents and we pick up their habits (good/bad) and if there’s a pattern of infidelity, it’s not a shock to see that infidelity will continue through multiple generations. So, the only answer is to break the cycle and burn that contract.
What a person who has cheated should do is avoid going to years of therapy sessions where they talk about why they think they are having an affair while the therapist listens to all the justifications for the affair only to end up divorced anyway. Wisdom comes from looking within to find the real truth and by truth, I mean your highest self. Once you tap into your highest self, you’ll have the ability to tap into emotions that you’ve been chasing outside of you and you’ll start to fall in love with yourself again and with your spouse all over again.
In my 6 Week group or private Marriage Mastery program, how to feel alive in your marriage is one of the main things that I help women work on in order to go from having an affair to failing back in love with their spouse. We also work on feeling important, desired, and cherished again. DM me if interested and we will have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.