I’m going to ruffle some feathers here…if you’re telling yourself that your marriage would be better if your husband would work on your marriage, that is an excuse! That whole notion that you need two people to participate in therapy, online marriage course, or read relationship books together for your marriage to get better is a TOTAL LIE. Honestly, I think that lies are stories we tell ourselves, so we avoid doing the difficult things in life. As soon as you stop listening to that lie in your head, the faster your marriage can turn around and be better than ever.
The real honest to goodness truth is that it only takes one person to fix your marriage. I know this because I took radical accountability for transforming my marriage and I did it without my husband’s knowledge or active participation. I’m an amazing woman, but I’m not the only one who has been able to transform their marriage without their husband’s conscious knowledge. I’ve personally coached over 300+ women on how to fix their marriage without their husband’s participation in my 6 Week Marriage Mastery program.
Here’s what I believe happens in marriage. When our feelings get hurt, we create stories that we tell ourselves about our marriage and our husband. This is the beginning of the overthinking, over worrying, and over analyzing our husband’s intentions and desires. As women, we obsessively think about these stories we tell ourselves. We exaggerate the stories, we tell our friends about the stories, and we share with anyone that we feel close to about our stories. If we don’t trust anyone with our stories, we just tell them to ourselves over and over again.
Once we’ve developed a set of stories about our husband and marriage, we talk and act differently towards our husband. He notices the differences in our voice, our energy, and our behavior and he will change his behavior. He might be more attentive at first or he might pull away from you and treat you with less affection and love. The snowball of stories and lies begin to roll down the hill and your marriage starts to head towards a life of disappointment or divorce!
If you’re smart you can feel that your marriage is heading for divorce. Alarms start going off in your mind that you’re not as happy as you once were. You wonder if you married the right person. You wonder if your husband is in love with you anymore. The thoughts of doubt start to take root in your mind and they continuously grow.
Your worry might even manifest into physical form and you physically feel pain. You might start losing your hair, get migraines, heartache, shortness of breath, fatigue, weight fluctuations, or have digestive issues. You might not even realize that the pain in your body is caused by the stress of your marriage.
Conventional wisdom tells you to go to couples counseling because it takes two to fix a marriage. If you get him to go to therapy, it’s short lived. If you don’t get him to go to therapy, you’re frustrated that he won’t try anything and you take it personal and you feed the story that he doesn’t care about your feelings or your marriage. It’s an end-less cycle of disappointment that will overfeed the lies and stories you tell yourself about your husband and marriage.
The problem with thinking that it takes two to fix a marriage is that you don’t have any clue how powerful you really are and the influence you have over your husband. Believing that you can’t change the dynamic of your relationship by becoming your best self and loving your husband the way you did in the beginning of your marriage is a misconception that I want you to stomp out of your mind!
Here’s the truth…YOU have the power to transform your marriage! You are a divine woman and all you need to focus on is stepping into your highest power and become your best self. You need to start focusing on the truth, which is that you are a powerful creator in your own right.
If you want to transform your marriage, it comes down to DECIDING that you have the power to change your marriage and taking bold actions to step into your highest self and claim what is rightfully yours at birth…an abundance of love.
When you get this right, you’ll realize that you have everything you need to fix your marriage and all your efforts should be focused on stepping into who you were meant to be and stomping out any fear that is trying to destroy your happiness instead of waiting around for your husband to want to go to therapy or read marriage books. That may never happen! So, stop waiting on him.
In my 6 Week Group and Private Marriage Mastery program, learning to step into your own power and get back to your best self (your highest self) is one of the Mastery Skills that I help women work on in order to go from feeling that their marriage is heading for a divorce to taking back control of the destiny of their marriage. We also work on learning how to live your best life, increase your faith muscles, and how to receive an abundance of love. DM me if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if you’re a good fit.